10 things I wish I'd Known before I went out into the real world
by Maria Shriver (the Kennedy, the anchor lady and Mrs Schwarnager)
1. PinPoint your Passion
Be honest with yourself about it. Really think about what you're interested in. What you enjoy, what captures your imagination and gets your brain going.
Go with your gut. Not your parents, teacher, other's gut.
2. No Job is Beneath You
Starting at the bottom builds character, makes you hungry and determined. A good way to find out you're not as smart as you think you are. Its the best way to Learn, because there's a lot to learn out there. Which is where i started, many times.
Starting at the bottom is not about humiliation, its about humility - a real assessment of where you are in the learning curve. Learn what you're not good at and appreciate those who are.
3. Who You Work For And With is As Important As What You Do
It's better for you career and for your soul to be in a lowly job working for a great boss than being the head of...........
God puts mentors in your path. They may not look, sound like you, or be what you expect. But they always know more than you, and thats the whole point. They transmit the lessons you need to learn.
4. Your Behaviour Has Consequences
Welcome to Adulthood. No one but you are responsible for how you conduct yourself. The single most important determining factor in your life is you. And its never too early to get your ethical act together. Be strong and firm in what you believe in, in who you are -plus and minus. Know what you will, won't do to get ahead. Know what you can and cannot live with. Believe me, this is a big one. Your job will test your ethics - and therefore theach you ethics - everyday.
Situational ethics just don't cut it. The end (dream job) does not justify the means (screwing a collegue).
I believe all of us rise when we work with principles we believe in consistently - when we work with people who believe and behave the same way.
When you cut corners with what you know is right, you're risking your good name, your reputation. Its bigger than the promotion, the money or the deal. Its who you are. Don't give it away..
5. Be Willing To Fail
Many of you will experience failure in pursuit of your passion. but FAILING IS PART OF LEARNING. Fear of failure can paralyze you. Avoiding failure, is also avoiding life's richness. And what happens if you fail?It can be liberating. Most people who've achieved great success have experienced great defeat.
Before I fail, my work was the focus of my life. It's where I put all my intensity, intelligence, and effort. Never again will I make that mistake. I quit identifying myself through my career. Today my work is a big fulfilling part of my life, not who I am. Who I am is far different from who I was before I failed, and I'd never trade the experience. Which doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
6. Superwoman is Dead and Superman May Be Taking Viagra
You do not have to do it all. You can't have an exciting, successful, powerful career and at the same time win the mother-of-the-year award and be wife and lover extraordinaire. No one can.
Perfectionaism doesn't make you perfect. It makes you feel inadequate. You are not worthless because you can't do it all. You are human. You can't escapte that realisty and you can't expect to. Self acceptance is the goal. If Shakespeare were a Superwoman, she might have said, "To be or not to be - takes time and wisdom."
7. Children Do Change your Career (not to mention your Entire Life)
Once you have children, you not only can't do it all, you can't do it the same way you were doing it before. If you think your children are suffering, the guilt will make your work suffer. Parenting has turned out to be a far bigger challenge than anything my career has dealt me.
Children do change your career. But they also open you up in ways you never imagined. Kids teach you things about yourself you couldn't learn on your own - lessons about patience and selflessness, love and letting go. My children have taught me to let things roll off my back, flexible, to accept them even when they don't think, act, feel exactly as I do. I cannot control them, but I can guide and lead, honor and respect them. And believe me, they're much more fun than Boris Yeltsin.
8. Marriage is a Hell of a Lot of Hard Work
Oh my God, is that true. If any of you is worried that you haven't run into 'Right', don't be in such a hurry. Chill, relax, and enjoy your freedom, because you don't have that kind of freedom anymore. After being in such a rush to meet their soul mates, so many people complain about being married to them. It's nuts. I'm happy in my marriage, and we've been in love for more than 20 years. I married a man who recognized I was an individual first and foremeost and that my life apart from him was as important to me as our life together, otherwise I'll be writing about how divroce being a hell of a lot of work, instead of marriage. Which isn't to say my marriage has been easy.
Across the years that I've worked in newsrooms, so many of my coworkers have been divorced - and to tell you the truth, that has scared me. An all consuming career often doesn't leave room for a spouse. Today I spend a lot of time on my marriage. I pay attention to it. I make it a priority to conntect and nurture the relationship. Please focus on your marriage. Don't take it for granted. Choose to spend time toegher when you can, even on days you don't want to. Our lives are so busy, we can't let too many opportunities to be together slip by. That's the 'work' part - working it in.
9. Don't Expect Anyone Else to Support You Financially
Maybe you're lucky rich. Or marry into Money. But please don't rely on it. Work for your money. Live within your means. There's nothing better for building genuine self-worth and self-respect.
It doesn't do you any good to make the money if you don't know what to do with it other than spend it. Money management - especially women, don't assume that a man will take care of this for you. If you take time off from your career or leave it entirely to take of your children - the hardest work for no pay, you never know if you'll be blindsided by life and be thrown into a situation where you will have to know how to take care of yourself. Learn about money and talk openly.
I work because I love it. It makes me feel strong and independent to know I can make my own way financially. I don't want to ask my husband for money, and I don't. And there will come a time when we want to help our parents financially.
Money gives you options, but only if you don't fritter it away. Pay attention to where you money is going, so it can help you get where you're going. And remember: You may never be able to have it all - but it's good for the soul to give away some of what you do have. I believe it comes back to you tenfold in spiritual gifts - like gratitude, self worh and peace of mind.
10. Laughter
Gotta have laughter. It's the one that mkaes the first nine on the list doable. Life isn't smooth, but you can survive the kinds and curves by laughing at them - and yourself.
People always ask me what attracted me to my husband. it was his sense of humour. Pick your partner not only for the lust, but for the laughter. Trust me, you'll need a humor much more than you'll need money, a great job, fabulous wardrobe, or even being thin. He helped me take myself, my heritage, and my "destiny" far less seriously. Of course life isn't only fun, but he's got a wonderful ability to turn it off and go play.
He surrounds himself with people who make him laugh, immerses himself in hobbies he enjoys. He's done a better job managing his time and being able to say no to things he doesn't want to do. (this one is a big issue for most women.)
Laughter infuses life with joy. Life's awesome responsibilities have a way of creeping up on you, wearing you down, making you dead serious, robbing you of laughter and joy. Don't let the joy go. Put some of the joy back in.
I felt i was missing the fun I'd experienced in my twenties and fitured I needed an attitude adjustment. sprots and family vacation, school reunion. I've been reminding myself about humility, to have an accurate picture of myself and accept, appreciate where I am in my life and where I still want to go. To enjoy myself and have a good laugh.
The love and the laughter are what you need most in your life. They'll fill out all the potholes in the road.
In short:
10 Things I wish I'd Known - Before I Went Out into the Real World
by Maria Shriver
1. First and Foremost: PinPoint Your Passion
2. No Job Is Beneath You
3. Who You Work For and With Is As Important As What You Do
4. Your Behavior Has Consequences
5. Be Willing To Fail
6. Superwoman is Dead ... and Superman May Be Taking Viagra
7. Children Do Change Your Career (Not to Mention Your Entire Life)
8. Marriage Is a Hell of a Lot of Hard Work
9. Don't Expect Anyone Else to Support You Financially - especially for women.
10. Laughter - this makes the first 9 doable, and helps life get through all life kinks and curves.
Having the ability to have humor is more important than money, job or fashion taste etc.
Afterword, a List of Other Things I Wish I'd Known from there:
1. A big expensive wedding is a waste of time, money and angst
2. Try not to lose touch with your college friends as time will fly..
3. Computers will rule the world, master it sooner
4. How creative, crucial, consistent sex would have to be
5. Take a year off to have fun with no responsibility before diving into a serious long career path
6. Health first!
7. Simplicity Movement - Simplify life. Clean out. Cleanse out. Quiet Corners. Be Clutter Free.
8. Say more NO to have better time management. Less the guilt.
9. Kinder, more sharing, more open to parents
10. My sibilings would end up being the backbone of my life, my best friends, be kind to them and clear up resentments.
11. The importance of saying "I love you". Many don't really know how much they're loved, respected, needed, appreciated, and adored.
12. To remember the faith and strength in God through though times and be less afraid through all the trying times.
13. In every phase, there's a naturally phase to reinvent ourselves even if we have peaked. Over and Over Again. Renewable, Fresh, Growing.
14. Be at peace with myself sooner. To give recognition to oneself for being myself and my hardwork, not for roles recognized for family, for being a spouse, or for looks.
