Watching the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was fascinating to me, as it tries to show us how humans directly and indirectly fears or welcomes growing old. The movie synopsis: Benjamin Button was born under unusual circumstances. As everyone around him grew older, he aged backwards, meeting the challenges of life.
Just like this article by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche: About 6 elderly Singaporeans die alone each month , I can't help but reflect about it.
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BEING/ GROWING OLD AND YOUNG.
Actually aging is like being a child once again — we need help with everything — dressing, shitting, walking, feeding, tantrum, everything under the sun. An old man and a child really needs help, support, love and people around them to care for them. this is a fact and a natural phenomena. Even if they cannot remember or know why, life moves on with this fact. As a 3rd party, when we are able, we see that with compassion and help if we can. As a person going through these stages, we may or may not be aware of what is a better option — we merely take what we have and feel the suffering when we are not in a good able situation.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OLD MAN AND YOUNG CHILD
In a child, exposure to everything & habits aids to build his/her persona — which helps to build a plot within a story for his/her life (besides having inborn/inbuilt predetermined will/fate/voice/talent/personality etc).
For the elderly — mind is likely more solid with life's experiences or beliefs, and the growth has been met —what's different is that one is hit with memory loss and physical breakdown of the body with no control.
ABANDONMENT
As much as abandonment happens to children, they happen to the elderly too. I guess this is why many organizations try to help both areas.
WHAT SHALL WE ATTACH TO?
Memories of good times or not — they can be used as a form of attachment when we dwell overly into it. It can make us dysfunctional too.
If we focus on creating results: some options I thought of:
1) We dedicate our lives trying to help elevate and uplift human's physical suffering - means help the old aged or young aged. Family or non family.
2) We could try to be an elevated saint that can go above this realm and then heal others through some special power....
3) We dedicate our entire life giving back to our own parents/kids/family members and forget about our own ambition if that means we have to just focus on their needs. Its like making this a Dharma Path instead of living a monastic life away from the parents who probably misses their kid very much.
One person has only 2 pairs of hands, legs. As some of us may also be born with defects that needs care, i think its reasonable to say — we all try our best to give our best.
WHAT CAN I DO?
Since 'Ahimsa' or 'non-violence' is also inclusive of the act of neglect and act to ignore those in need of our care, I gather the article written by Tsem Rinpoche is coming from the fact that we can do more — perhaps as an individual, as a Dharma practitioner, or as a community all in all.
To be open and caring to all beings, whether we are directly or indirectly blood related.
INTENTION / MOTIVATION
But on a positive note, we can cultivate the biggest heart and mind and try to elevate suffering through different means.
If we are centered, and clear with good intention and motivation - we may be able to centre ourselves to be healthy in all manners: physically, mentally, spiritually — ease away/detox/cleanse — so that we can be at our best, truest, pure and true self — to give more to individuals or support centers, etc.
Perhaps even increase our level of consciousness and do what saints do... ; )
ULTIMATELY
In the end — perhaps the greatest fear of growing old, dying or at the death bed, or living alone is the same — it is the fear of dying all alone, without anyone by the side, without warmth and love?
I recall hearing a friend's experience in the hospice that some are able to Let Go and Embrace and they do too can go peacefully.
However, besides helping care for them physically or emotionally when they need it — we still cannot go to the grave with them. We can only support them to walk them there.
So, if there is any effect of growing old and dying or anything left hanging — a void/ a fear / something left unanswered — the answer and void will have to be filled first.
Ultimately, I feel that every human being must and should still find their own peace, to learn to Let Go. I think this is the best aid one can give as a gift — Prayers for the Dying.. and it is the best gift for one who is at the receiving end. Better still if there is a faith they have chosen.
Growing old, dying alone is a very unpleasant experience indeed. I hope I can do more for my parents when my time is here. But I can't help but wonder if I'll be a lonely, old dying person myself .. who knows, life is unpredictable.
DEATH
Dying, Growing Old with illness and Death are quite different too.
Death can hit just tomorrow or this instant. Death is the best thing to help us question priorities, and awareness. Dying and growing old is the more painful long journey one with ups and downs. Perhaps to me, the fear of dying and growing old (with illness, diseases or inability to function) is more scary than Death.
I really like the story of the crow sitting over my shoulder to remind me to seize the day today ~ be happy today and not just do, but manifest my best today.
All this reflection talk inspires me to handle my own fears of dying, and growing old through more spiritual growth. For this is the only path i know i can think of overcoming the fear.
At least embracing that it will happen, and try to live life expecting Death to come — so as to appreciate everything now and each opportunity, and then try to expand beyond this life with our intention and motivation, as a man who serves to share what is already given in this life.
I have much to learn, I have much to practice, I have much to understand about this concept of preparing and meditating about death to embrace it more, if there is such a thing as, after death, something awaits..
~ N
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